Looking Like An Arse – My Cadence Drills
I Am Going To Be Honest Here – My Cadence Drills Make Me Look Like An Arse!
I know cadence drills are good for me – I really do. Cadence is a great sounding word too. I am surprised that more celebrities don’t name their kids ‘Cadence’. It would work equally well for a boy or a girl (not that it matters). Cadence Beckham, Cadence Kardashian…I could go on.
It is also a universal truth that once I have mastered these beautifully entitled drills I will literally float for miles across whatever surface I choose. All I have to do in return is increase my footfall between two fixed points or over a fixed time.
However, here’s the thing.
Every single time I try to practice my cadence drills I end up looking like a complete arse!
The first mistake I made was thinking it was all about speed – ok I am an idiot because nowhere does it say: “go as fast as you can lard boy”. But in my head, cadence drills were filed under ‘speed-work’ so I had to leg it. The problem was, the only way I felt I could go faster was by spreading my legs (steady) – so the faster I went the less I achieved – a sort of anti-cadence drill if you like.
After several weeks of utter failure, I asked my long-suffering wife for help. To be honest, I was so flummoxed by these drills that I was convinced that I had finally found the one problem she could never solve. Quick as a flash she said, “why don’t you take smaller steps?”. Bugger – wish I had thought of that.
Armed with my new-found knowledge, I approached my next set of drills with complete confidence – the wise words of my wife still ringing in my ears. My confidence was quickly shattered. In my attempts to take short strides, I ended up looking like a cross between a prancing dressage horse, John Cleese and the fella from Riverdance.
I am not joking when I say that people were openly laughing at me. They weren’t even trying to hide it. To be fair, I was giving them plenty of raw material. I tried relaxing, standing tall (puppet on a string and all that) and taking lots of mini-steps. The harder I tried the more camp I looked – the head to foot Lycra didn’t help either. I might as well have been skipping around with one hand on my hip singing “I’m a little teapot…”.
My misery was further compounded by the fact that I had to count my steps. For some reason, my coaching manual said I could only count steps on one foot – more specifically my left foot! I am not sure why this is so – but numerically speaking I am retarded. I just could not do it. In my efforts to keep my (left) foot count accurate, I would ended up shouting the numbers aloud. It wasn’t long before I could hear the police sirens heading my way.
For those of you who have mastered the cadence I salute you. For those of you who haven’t you have my empathy. I somehow feel better having written down my feelings towards these mighty drills.
Until the next time….one, two, three, four….